Okay...This has got to be the sukiest summer ever. Not only did I find out that I start college on August 13th but I haven't seen any of my friends at all! And I recently found out my boyfriend is leaving soon to go to basic training for the Air Force!! He's going to Dallas or Houston and I won't see him for six weeks!!

I am sorry if you think I am over-reacting, but...I don't want to be several cities away from him! I don't want to go through another long-distance relationship and get my heart broken again! I don't know what to do. And now my grandpa is sick, so he is lighter than me apparently... I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! I have no one here at home to talk to, my mom and uncle could care fucking less about me. My grandma is so sick she can't get out of bed. And my mother is an animal when she is drunk. I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE!! I don't want to live in a home where I am ruled by fear!

And now, when I look at my Itotou-kun's friend list I can't help but feel a bit jealous cause I can't make friends that easily...I shouldn't feel that, I know I shouldn't. And seeing all the attention his works get is fantastic and all, but...It hurts me to know that I can't never achieve the things he gets. And to know that his relationship is going strong and A-fucking-okay drives me insane. I mean...cause of my previous relationships I can't help but get doubts about my current boyfriend. I'm scared...What if he only wants me for sexual reasons? I don't know what to think...

Truth be told, I don't know how much longer I can hold this mask up. I'm afraid that soon I might go insane...